Author Dossier 12: Steev Gillies

A4 contributor Steev Gillies ruminates on life at the end of the world. Conclusion: humor is essential and so is being the fiercest cannibal on the ruined streets of Pittsburgh.

Steev was born in Brazil but mostly grew up in the town in Alabama that has Space Camp. Artifice 4 contains his first published fiction, although his writing has appeared in The AV Club and the American Journal of Orthopedics. Also, The Believer once published an essay calling his great-great-great grandfather "quite possibly the greatest failure that ever lived." So there's that.   

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1. Preferred type of apocalypse (plague, nuclear holocaust, ice age, etc.):  

I grew up figuring it would be nuclear. I guess I’d want to be proven right?

2. Preferred post-apocalyptic city: 

Well, I live in Pittsburgh and tend to agree with the majority of Hollywood location scouts.

3. Preferred anti-zombie weapon: 

Brains.

4. Top five necessities to bring to the fallout shelter: 

Flashlight, blanket, box of comic books, Ramen noodles, Snoopy doll.

5. Describe said fallout shelter: 

They say in the event of nuclear war, the human race will regress to its earlier forms. My fallout shelter would be a place I could get a head start.

6. Who would be in your post-apocalyptic gang? 

Someone for comic relief, a scheming rival to keep me on my toes, and a pet dog, but mostly sniveling yes men. 

7. You’re the new charismatic leader of a cult of your choosing. What do you wear to your first meeting? Barcelona jersey. 

8. Spirit guide?

 Xavi Hernandez

9. If you had to eat another author (in Artifice 4 or otherwise) who would it be and why? 

I would take any opportunity to eat any author for the simple reason that this is a competitive business. 

10.  Sigmund Freud had a morbid fear of ferns. Elaborate. 

This is news to me. My Sigmund Freud action figure fears nothing.

Author Dossier 11: Joslyn Persh

On this wintery Friday we have for you Joslyn Persh, a contributor of Artifice 4, as she presents to you a few post-apocalyptic preferences.

Joslyn tells everyone that she lives in Baltimore, MD and sometimes that’s true. She’s a recent graduate of New College of Florida, where she learned the following: 1. King Saul’s daughter is worth 100 foreskins, 2. Defining the prose poem is only mostly impossible, and 3. There are people who believe that fiber is some sort of conspiracy. She will be attending CalArts in the fall with every intention of earning an MFA in creative writing. She also has a nonacademic life, which includes a boy who animates and a cat that might be embarrassed of her. Joslyn is rarely sure of anything. 

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1. Preferred type of apocalypse:

 Ice age. I like scarves. 

2. Preferred post-apocalyptic city: 

 I’d prefer Baltimore, but I could deal with whichever city has a decent looters to loot ratio.

3. Preferred anti-zombie weapon: 

 I don't believe in zombies, but I do believe in baseball bats.

4. Top five necessities to bring to the fallout shelter: 

 I would need several kittens, bottled water, Neapolitan ice cream, a stack of magazines (both literary and tabloid), and something I can use to watch random documentaries and TV shows on Netflix.

5. Describe said fallout shelter: 

 Everyone in high school said there was a fallout shelter somewhere in the building that was pretty much a large, concrete closet that couldn't hold even half of the people in the school. Mine, however, would hopefully be more like one of the hotels at Disney World (preferably the one at Animal Kingdom with a view of the giraffes and weird bull-looking animals).

6. Who would be in your post-apocalyptic gang?

 Michael Fassbender and some feral dogs. 

7. You’re the new charismatic leader of a cult of your choosing. What do you wear to your first meeting?

I would probably keep it traditional with one of those long hooded gowns, even though I have absolutely no idea where you buy one of those. Do you need to already be a cult leader to get one?

8. Spirit guide?

Russell Edson.

9. If you had to eat another author (in Artifice 4 or otherwise) who would it be and why?

I really don’t know. That’s all, I don’t know. If I’ve learned anything from Pictureka, it’s near impossible to justify eating people.

10. Some say a planet called 'Nibiru' will collide with the earth in December 2012. Tell us about Nibiru. 

Nibiru is a lie. There might actually be another universe exactly like ours, but also slightly different, which will eventually crash into ours, destroying both universes, but only if you get your information from Fringe.

Author Dossier 10: Dan Brady

Please welcome Dan Brady to the final wrap-up weeks of the Artifice Author Dossiers. He is the poetry editor of Barrelhouse.  His poetry has appeared or is forthcoming in Big Lucks, BlazeVox, Circumference, Dark Sky Magazine, Gargoyle, IsReads, Shampoo, and ARTIFICE 4.

We agree that most things during the apocalypse should be "kind of swanky and decrepit at the same time"...

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1. Preferred type of apocalypse: 

Earth swallowed by our Sun as it balloons into its Red Giant stage. At least we’d know it was coming.

2. Preferred post-apocalyptic city: 

I’d probably stay in DC. There are will be plenty of hidden bunkers, fortified buildings, and surplus military equipment to keep me going for a while.

3. Preferred anti-zombie weapon: 

Maybe a taser? Do zombies have a central nervous system?

4. Top five necessities to bring to the fallout shelter: 

Food, water, family, books on post-apocalyptic survival, board games.

5. Describe said fallout shelter: 

Deep underground, all concrete, but well-lit. Furniture that looks unused and old – kind of swanky and decrepit at the same time.

6. Who would be in your post-apocalyptic gang?

A who’s who of 80s TV drama stars: MacGyver, Mr. T, Poirot, Cliff Huxtable. There would be no problem we couldn’t tackle.

7. You’re the new charismatic leader of a cult of your choosing. What do you wear to your first meeting? 

Jeans. My people are a casual people.

8. Spirit guide?

No, thanks.

9. If you had to eat another author (in Artifice 4 or otherwise) who would it be and why? 

Probably a cookbook author. If they’ve stuffed themselves with only the best flavors for the past 20 years, maybe some of that will carry over. It’s a Kobe beef approach.

10. A cockroach can live several weeks with its head cut off. What does this mean to you?

It says something about the difference between having life and being alive and the tragic gap that can exist between the two.